You wrote, “Where is the point at which life balances–enough time, enough love, enough resources? What can you give up and still survive? Who takes care of the ones who care for everyone else? Where do you get answers to these kind of questions?”

I have been asking myself some of the same questions. A recent hour-long crying spell was a frightening wake-up call. I started pruning things from my life, even good things, trying to leave energy for the BEST/most important. It is hard to do but necessary. I just can’t do it all. And as far as who takes care of the caregivers…I think part of it is we have to ASK for what we need, and also just flat out TAKE it. Accept help, as well as claim time just for ourselves once in a while.

Happy Mother’s Day to you. I wish you rest and joy!

As much as we keep telling ourselves we can handle things, every once in awhile it becomes clear we can’t quite. It’s difficult to admit that weakness, you know?

We’re always Mother and Father to our kids that sometimes, I forget I am P and he is A, and we were once best friends and lovers and playmates. It’s hard to “play” when you have a thousand concerns swirling in your head.
Of late, however, I’m retraining myself to breathe again, to force a stop to the madness of work and school schedules and play dates and therapies, and to decide which of the things in my platter will even matter ten years from now.

So, breathe, my friend. I send you best wishes from across the globe (and lots of HUGS)!

“You could cry or die or just make pies all day. I’m making pies”

Even if they are faux apple.

Hey, you’d never have known that was zucchini instead of apple if your sister hadn’t spilled the beans–or squash, as it were….

Every couple goes through this. Been happening with me and the French Boy, and we don’t even have kids yet…and that’s one of the things we’re fighting about.

You guys will get through this. You’re just amazing.

So I said I didn’t think you needed advice, but I just spouted off a long comment full of it. Mainly I think you need to know that you CAN figure this out. It will take some effort (maybe a whole lot), but I have so much faith in your ability to think straight and act on it.

with 3 special needs children, and the circumstances you describe, this is not even as simple as the most challenging “two body problem”.

i wish you luck - and there seems to be great hope because you’ve identified that something needs to change. in fact, that is perhaps the most important part.

We get by because our kids are right in the middle of the clothes-sizing hand-me-down chain, because we bought our house before prices went insane so we’re paying a reasonable mortgage instead of a nightmare rate, and because between what he brings home and what I make online we can have a little cushion. One car we’ve owned since we first got married, the other we bought new last week because we traded in the minivan for something with better mileage while we still could get a decent price on it. But dates are rare, even with a sitter we trust nearby, and we argue about money and about what’s going to happen to Boychild, and yeah. I don’t tend to write for the site until the kids are in bed because I can’t focus while they’re around, and even when they’re not there’s so much work to get done around the house, which also makes us fight when he thinks I’m not doing enough and when I think he’s not doing his share. Balance is hard.